In A Nut"Shell"

Two's a Crowd

Dear Shelley,

I have a twin bed. When I have my girl over for the night, neither of us gets a lot of sleep. I'm on a fixed income and I don't really feel like buying a larger bed and mattress at this point, unless I have to. And sleeping separately is not a very pleasant prospect either, since we like to cuddle. Is there any other alternative?

Thanks!

-Sleepy

Dear Sleepy,

Sounds like you have a serious problem! No one should have a twin bed over the age of 15 in my mind. Yes they are small and easier to pack around but because of issues like this it makes it difficult. My suggestion is to look at the following resources for a free or inexpensive bed. A good idea is to get a futon and a boxspring (Futons are cheaper but too hard on their own adding a boxspring makes it much easier to deal with)

http://www.freecycle.org/

www.craigslist.org

If that doesn’t work, try an inflatable mattress you have around just for when she comes. Yes it’s a bit more work to blow up but the mattress itself is only around $20 and sometimes they are very comfortable and you can use them camping if you are like me and a wimp about sleeping on the hard rocky ground!

Good luck and happy cuddling!

Thank You,

Shelley

All in the Family

Dear Shelley,

On my husband's side of the family I have a sister in law, we'll call her Jessica. She is married to my husband's brother, and my husband's cousin, we'll call her Mandy. Both of them are beautiful young women, both 23. They hate each other but they get along with me fine. Most of the time we don't see the cousin Mandy at the family gatherings as they live out of town and they aren't immediate family. The problem is when we do all get together I feel caught in the middle. I feel if I go talk to Mandy it's going to piss Jessica off and vise versa. So I totally stress out before these types of gatherings. Mandy thinks Jessica is snotty and stuck up and Jessica thinks the same of Mandy. I think the real problem is that they are the same age and both beautiful in different ways and just jealous of each other. I'm older than them and most find me very easy to talk to and down to earth so they both happen to like me. I feel torn when we are all shoved together. It's like I have to try to evenly divvy up my time between them so no one gets upset and I feel this is ridiculous. Yet I can't force them to like each other. What Should I do to make these events less stressful for myself?

Caught in the Middle

Dear Caught in the Middle,

It sounds like High School all over again. I think you need to sit down with Mandy and Jessica and either have them talk out their differences or let them know that you are all family and no one is going anywhere. Just because they don’t like one another doesn’t mean you should feel this way. Family is stronger than anything and you don’t have the luxury of choosing them, that’s why they are family! I think they need to grow up and swallow the issues. Life is hard and you can’t let something petty like jealousy come between it. You shouldn’t have to feel pulled from side to side by family! Good luck and let me know if it works!

Thank you,

Shelley

She Loves Me She Loves Me Not

Dear Miss Shelley,

I have been dating a girl for 8 months.  We both just got out of marriages. Anyway, she keeps breaking up with me and then immediately getting back together with me.  I mean really quickly in some cases, the first time, we broke up and were in bed together like 10 minutes later. She says that as soon as we break up she is suddenly way more attracted to me.  The reason she breaks up with me seems to be a fear of commitment.  Anyway, so I love her very much and I want to have a long term relationship with her, but I am wondering if maybe we should both see other people until she gets over her fear of commitment.  Or should I just continue to be patient with her?  What do you think?

Your Friend from

Florida

Dear FFF,

I think you need to step away from the relationship and her for a while and both of you need to work on being alone. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you have to be in a relationship with them. Take time to work on yourself and be the best You that you can be without contacting her and without dating anyone new. Make friends, get involved in activities you care about and see where you are in 6 months. If at that time you are both ready to take the plunge and try the relationship again than do it. I think that both of you are still hurt/scarred from however your marriages ended and possibly bringing the past into the new relationship. They say that it takes half as long to get over a relationship as the relationship was (5 year relationship takes 2.5 years to get over).